Since the inception of this awesome column, one major area that attracts questions daily is about premature ejaculation. In spite of the numerous solutions and cure given over the past ten years, the question, ‘How do I delay ejaculation?’ has not stopped popping up every now and then.
There are others like:
‘Premature ejaculation is tearing my marriage apart; how do I go about weak erection?
My girlfriends leave me as soon as they discover I cannot maintain good erection!
This quick ejaculation is embarrassing and killing!
I want a permanent solution to erectile dysfunction.
What else can be done before another man starts fathering all my children?
My wife left me for a man with bigger penis.
I envy my friends who boast about going for close to 15 minutes at a go during sex.
I have never experienced second round of sex even if all protocol is observed, help me.
I am not married because I cannot be a man on bed!’
The list is endless, so in view of the above, we shall be looking at some natural ways to prevent all of the above right from childhood; how to prevent it in adulthood and also how to handle the worst case scenario.
To kick the ball rolling, parents should teach their male child to hold and wee while in the bathroom; as soon as the boy child tries to wee by himself. This is very important. When a boy child learns from cradle how to hold urine for a moment, 90 per cent of ejaculation problem is already controlled. And 60 per cent of penis sensitivities has been developed, the ability to regulate ejaculation and activate penis sensitivities has been stimulated already. Increase sexual stamina is also being established.
As it been said over and again, premature ejaculation or ejaculating before you or your wife wanted you to, is a common problem that strikes most men at all ages and at some point, in their lives.
Sometimes we do not have any medical condition, this condition just happens. For a quick fix, I suggest you just wear a condom or two together at the same time as the case may require. It sounds too simple to be true, but it works for a lot of men.
The most natural is to apply strategic pressure, with a little anatomy knowledge; you can delay an oncoming ejaculation by applying pressure to one of two spots. First is the perineum pressure: this is pressing on the perineum (perineum is a spot midway between your scrotum and your anus) and firm pressure will help to stop ejaculation because this spot reaches through to the prostate gland.
It is the prostate that contracts and expands during orgasm and then expels the ejaculation fluid. If you find it difficult to do just that, make sure you are very clean down there and thereafter, request your wife to assist in applying this loving pressure for you.
Then the testes tug: When a man is so close or very near orgasm, his scrotum rises up closer to his body. You can delay ejaculation by gently pulling your testes down and away from your body. To make it more romantic and passionate, teach and train your wife to do this for you.
Another natural way is to do all you can to reduce anxiety. For many husbands, extreme willingness to overimpress their wives, coupled with anxiety and pressure to perform has been a major contributor to premature ejaculation.
Just relax and remember that your wife probably cares about you and all you represent in her life more than the timing of your orgasms, and that premature ejaculation doesn’t mean you can’t still be good in bed.
Then don’t start off sex with orgasm in focus please. Take the slogan ‘I must by all means climax’’ out of your expectations. Forget the fact that you have to also impress your friends; many of their sexual prowess they want you to believe never really happens. Most times, they are the ones that are actually impotent.
Stop viewing sex as only a means of achieving orgasm. Instead of viewing intercourse only as a means of achieving orgasm, reframe it as relaxing, pleasurable time with your adorable wife and season of bonding that you’ll enjoy regardless of ejaculation. This mindset helps your whole body to coordinate and perform beyond your expectations.
For effectiveness, take time out and have a one-on-one teete-a-tee- with your wife and discuss this new mindset with her, so that she can stop pressuring you, intentionally or un-intentionally.
Then while in the very act of sex, do all you can to think nonsexual thoughts. If you notice yourself getting too excited, turn your thoughts to something distant, abstract and unsexy, such as math, rush hour traffic or football match, the recent news.
Only dwell on it long enough to give yourself a short break from arousal; maybe five to 10 seconds, and then refocus your attention on your wife and the action of sex.
Avoid thinking of a topic that is going to make you stressed or cause you to lose your arousal entirely. Thoughts such as the payment of the children school fees, Nigeria’s erratic power supply or some mood killer thoughts.
Now proceed further and try edging. Edging, or orgasm control, is the practice of maintaining a high level of sexual arousal while delaying ejaculation. It takes practice, but it gets easier over time.
Stop-and-start method: Have intercourse as usual until you feel yourself coming uncomfortably close to orgasm. Immediately and abruptly cease all stimulation for 30 seconds, and then start again. Repeat this pattern until you’re ready to ejaculate.
Squeeze method: Have intercourse as usual until you feel like orgasm is seconds away. Abruptly stop other stimulation and gently squeeze your thumb and forefinger around the part of the penis where the glans meets the shaft (or your wife could do this). After squeezing for a few seconds, try and pause all stimulation for another 30 seconds before resuming intercourse. Repeat this pattern until you’re ready to ejaculate.
Then try and change sexual positions. Some intercourse positions put less pressure on the glans (or the most sensitive part of the penis). Here’s what to do: Try “passive” positions. Lie beneath your wife or try a side-by-side (or spooning) position.
Avoid “active” positions such as missionary and rear-entry positions; these ones place the most stimulation and friction on the glans, so consider taking them off the menu for now.
And then take it slowly. Depending on your personal sensitivity, slowing your movements and opting for gentler, more teasing intercourse can help you hold off orgasm longer. If you find yourself getting too close to orgasm, slow down a bit, change to a new position, or take a break to stimulate your wife in foreplay. Make sure you focus on foreplay.
Sometimes “premature” is a frame of mind. Even if your ejaculation comes quickly during intercourse, you can still give your wife a great sexual experience through more extended, intimate, attentive and generous foreplay.
Stimulate your wife enough manually, orally or with some healthy toys, and she may not need or want a long session of intercourse to finish happy. Then of course, do PC muscle exercises. Flexing and strengthening your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle can help you exert more control over ejaculation. (Note that this is also called Kegel exercises, which you might have heard me recommend for women. The muscle is the same in both sexes.) Locate your PC muscle.
Put one or two fingers right behind your testicles. Pretend that you are urinating, and then try to stop the flow with a quick muscle contraction. That muscle you just used to stop the flow from the bladder is your PC muscle. Flex the muscle regularly. Try to do 10 to 20 squeezes in a set, two or three times a day. Do a set whenever you’re bored or stationary, like when you’re sitting at your desk or in traffic. No one will be able to see that you’re doing them. Squeeze your PC muscle when you feel ejaculation coming on. Once the muscle is strong enough, you should be able to hold it off just like stopping flow when urinating. Practise controlling your orgasm.
When you are with your wife, focus on improving your control over your climax. Stimulate yourself to the edge of climax and then stop.
Do this several times before finishing. As you practise, learn to recognise the feeling of getting close to orgasm, and take note of how close you can get and still effectively stop, and when you’ve reached a “point of no return.”
During intercourse, use that knowledge to slow down or adjust your movements if you get too close too early.
On average, 50-95 per cent of men using sexual techniques manage to overcome PE eventually. There is a risk of relapse if there are significant changes in your sexual life (e.g. you got a divorce, lost your wife, in a different relationship, stressful event), especially if you feel anxious.
Condoms reduce stimulation for most men, which should prolong the time before ejaculation. But while looking for a condom to buy, steer clear of condoms that are marketed as extra thin. Instead get a brand that allows more stimulation later. Some condoms are coated with a slight numbing gel on the inside. This can help you put off ejaculation for longer without causing numbness to your wife. (Just make sure you know which side is where when you put it on.)
Use an analgesic cream or spray. There are two classes of these products. The first is the traditional “numbing” creams and sprays that have been in the market for some time. The advantage is that you’ll feel less sensation, which will delay ejaculation. While the disadvantage is that your wife may suffer a loss of sensation as well and of course less sensitive intercourse is not always an appealing notion, even in these circumstances. There is a new class of topical herbs that absorb into the skin to deliver a mild anesthetic to the sensory nerves below the top layer of skin of the penis. This allows men to have ejaculatory control but with less loss of sexual sensation and reduces the transference to their wives.
If you routinely ejaculate less than a minute and a half after beginning vaginal intercourse, and none of the above fixes has worked, it might be time to see a sex therapist, but before then, I need you to know that there are still close to 50 different ways to treat premature ejaculation and you may need to try them to find one that works for you. When you keep trying, you will eventually discover which works best for you.
If you once in six months experience premature ejaculation, it may be as a result of stress or illness. Ejaculation can be considered premature when it occurs 30 seconds to eight minutes into sex, depending on different cultures, countries and your personal experience with practice.
However, it is globally agreed by the body of sex therapists experts and sexologists that that any sexual intercourse lasting less than five minutes can be considered premature ejaculation.
I also need my readers to know that there are two types of premature ejaculation: lifelong (or primary) and acquired (secondary).
