There’s really no delicate way to put it; Breakup sucks. It feels like you’ve lost a part of yourself. And you’ve certainly lost that person with whom you looked forward to going out to dinner or spending the weekend binge-watching Netflix. Nothing fun about that. But when it comes to moving on, a 2017 study from the Journal of Neuroscience USA, says you can trick yourself into getting over an ex quicker and let your heart catch up later. This fake-it-till-you-make-it approach can soften that post-breakup period and help you come to terms without (too much) wallowing.
Whether the relationship lasted three weeks or three years, breakups can leave us feeling heartbroken, lost and even physically ill. While there’s no magic formula to do away with the pain of a split, having healthy coping mechanisms in place is essential to getting over your ex and moving on with strength and grace. Ending a relationship has very real effects on the mind and body; A 2010 Northwestern study found that breakups cloud our sense of self and the more serious things were with your ex, the more of an identity crisis you’re likely to experience.
“Even if the relationship wasn’t great, you’re still starting at ground zero,” Sheri Meyers, marriage therapist and author of “Chatting or Cheating” says. “The first thing you need to anticipate, no matter where you are in the process, is that there is a grieving [period]. There is a sense of abandonment, there is a sense of terror about the future, and there is disappointment… There is a process of going from “us” back to “me.” Treating yourself well during the post-breakup period whether you initiated the split or were on the receiving end is a must. While it’s true that time heals all emotional wounds, you can speed up the process of moving on by taking control over your health and well-being.
A. Write Or Talk It Out.
Although suppressing unpleasant feelings is a natural impulse, avoiding your emotions will ultimately prevent you from moving past them. There are so many emotions involved in a breakup: anger, sadness, loneliness, feelings of rejection and uncertainty about the future and it’s essential to confront them head-on. Particularly in the early stages of a breakup, try let yourself feel what you feel, without judgment. Writing out your thoughts in a journal, having a good cry, or talking to a therapist can help you process and gain the clarity you need to see why the relationship didn’t work and why you’ll be better off without your former partner.
“You’ve gotta feel,” says Meyers. “If you feel like crying, cry. If you’re pushing your feelings down, they’re just going to make you calloused or afraid.”
B. Take Care Of Your Body.
Going on a “breakup diet” may sound like a good idea we often think of looking our best as a way to get revenge on an ex but it can easily become a way to punish yourself, reinforcing feelings of rejection. (Not to mention encouraging you to develop an unhealthy relationship with food.) Instead of restricting calories, eat nourishing whole foods that are high in fiber, protein and nutrients to boost your mood and energy. A balanced diet with plenty of fresh fruits, greens and stress-busting super foods can help counteract the physiological stress of the breakup.
Another important thing, is to avoid mindless eating and try not to turn food as a coping mechanism. Don’t worry about indulging a little, but try not to keep too much junk food around, as foods that are high in fat, sugar and salt can actually contribute to higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol.
C. Get Active (But Don’t Over-Exercise)
Getting your endorphins pumping through cardio exercise is often prescribed as a way to get over a breakup, and for good reason: Going for a run or hitting the elliptical can lower your stress levels, improve cognitive functioning and boost your mood — in addition to providing a healthy distraction from your worries. Even if exercising is the last thing you want to do, the act of simply getting out of your head and focusing your awareness on your body can be helpful.
“After a breakup, we tend to want to sit and cuddle and huddle and cry, and talk to our guys/girls and feel bad about ourselves”. “So getting out and moving is really essential because it’s almost the opposite of what we feel like doing, which is shutting down and feeling sorry for ourselves.”
But be wary of over-exercising: Like over-eating or excessively dieting, exercise can become a compulsive behavior. Get active in a way that you enjoy and that doesn’t feel like a punishment, whether its early-morning jogs in the park, zumba or hot yoga all the better when accompanied by friends.
D. Remind Yourself Of All The Great Things In Your Life.
“It’s so easy to see the loss as everything, and then it starts overwhelming the good in all of your life”. Painful breakups can cloud your thinking so that it’s almost impossible to look beyond the immediate feelings of pain and loss. You may have trouble remembering all the things you appreciate because you’re so focused on the negative. Practicing gratitude can help to even out your moods and get you get back into a more positive headspace. Studies have shown that listing things you’re thankful for can boost your well-being and brighten your outlook on life.
Keeping a gratitude journal to help turn your attention to the positive. You may initially have to force yourself to think of things you’re grateful for, but as you repeat the process, the bad won’t feel so all-consuming anymore. (And you might find yourself feeling thankful that you no longer have to deal with your ex’s bad habits!)
I wouldn’t fail to mention that relationships do not end in marriage as a lot of people tend to see it as a means to an end. So in marriage from time to time, you’d experience all the stages of breakup, but because of the commitments you stay. That’s why there’s a need to draw a thick line between the heart and the head.
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