When someone betrays your trust, we may be tempted to do it right back but here’s why revenge cheating does more harm than good.
In a committed relationship, when your significant other cheats, the temptation to get him back might be overwhelming. However, an eye for an eye; a tooth for a tooth never feels as good as you would like it to. Here’s why revenge cheating isn’t the answer.
You want to even the score or maybe a boost in self-esteem requires a much-needed boost and you need to know if you’re still lovable and desirable.
Revenge cheating might seem like the next logical step but instead, these three steps might be a better way of resolving the issue and possibly saving your relationship.
1. Explore your motivation for revenge cheating
It’s true that he screwed up, but your cheating will only plunge you both further into the abyss. Remember that, especially in love, two wrongs don’t make a right.
If you revenge cheat, how will he see the vulnerability you carry? Your reaction might minimise the effect that his cheating had on you and prevent you from approaching the situation from a position of higher moral standing.
The best relationship advice is to think long and hard about your motivation. Make sure it points you in a direction you really want to go.
2. Examine the possibility of relationship repair
Do you want to repair the trust that cheating ruptured? Revenge cheating will make that task seem impossible because deception can’t build genuine trust. You both need to explore what led to that cheating.
You don’t need to take a lover, you do need to talk with your partner about what happened and why it happened. At a time when you need to begin the hard work of relationship repair together, revenge cheating will create a void between you. If one person cheating betrays trust, how can two people cheating repair it?
A more long-term approach, based on forgiveness, is the best bet for preserving the relationship. It takes coming clean completely with what has happened. Many couples also need marital therapy to work through the grief and anger and to learn how to use this as a way to renew the relationship. Lots of couples do actually recover, most come back stronger and more united.
3. Protect and nurture your recovery
When it feels like a chunk of your heart has been cut out with a blade, you need serious emotional repair. And revenge cheating won’t heal that gaping wound.
There’s probably a good reason you have not cheated in the past. Maybe it’s your religious beliefs, moral code, or personal values. So imagine how you will feel after compromising those values just to make a point.
The best relationship advice is to focus on protecting and nurturing your own recovery, not on exacting revenge. Don’t complicate your existing problems.
In summary, revenge cheating is childish and does more harm than good in the long run. If your significant other cheated and your relationship is on the rocks, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. A relationship counsellor or coach can help you sort out your problems, rebuild your trust, or take care of yourself.
