Let’s Talk About Sex is a weekly series that answers your questions about sex and sexuality
Q: My husband and I used to have sex very frequently when we were dating. But since we got married, we only make love once or twice a month.
Is it normal for his sex drive to decrease? Will things pick back up again? I’d like us to have the same sexual experiences that we had before marriage but I don’t want to pressure him or make him feel bad. What should I do?
A: The truth is, this happens to a lot of couples. When you first start dating, things are hot and sizzling and it’s like you cannot get enough of each other. However, as the relationship matures, the sexual aspect tapers off and you both fall into a frequency that’s more relaxed.
Having sex less frequently is, therefore, more about that predictability and comfort than it is about sex drive. It’s possible and very normal to fall into a different sexual routine after marriage. But it becomes a problem when both partners aren’t satisfied with the situation, which seems to be the case here.
This is one of those situations where you’ll have to communicate your needs. Approach it from an angle that isn’t threatening. Don’t compare what you have now with how you were before marriage as this can come off as accusatory. Simply tell him you yearn for more physical closeness. Talk about how attractive you find him and how much you miss him. Encourage him to open up about his feelings as well. Have regular conversations about sex and share some of your hottest fantasies.
By making sex sound less like an obligation and more like something fun you get to do together, you just may spark his sex drive. Good luck.
