So it’s her birthday and she wants an IPhone 7 as a gift. Or he comes back from school in tears asking for the latest PlayStation because he was bullied at school for not owning one. Or she asks for a new pair of shoes in exchange for washing the dishes or clothes. Or he requests for the latest kicks from Adidas for passing his exams. Is it okay for parents to overindulge their children, buy them gifts at every single opportunity? I read online that rapper T.I and wife, Tiny gifted their son, King, a $50k Diamond encrusted gold chain for his thirteenth birthday and I was remarkably shocked. I know it’s not supposed to be surprising as they can afford it but I wondered if he was not too young to be given such a gift for his birthday. I mean, a thirteen year old wearing $50 worth of gold jewellery encrusted with diamonds? Simply put, T.I and Tiny are overindulging their son. Whether he asked for this gift or was just given as a birthday gift, he is still being overindulged.
Overindulgence simply means the excessive gratification of someone’s wishes or the action or fact of having too much of something enjoyable. Based on this, it is now clear why I think their son is being overindulged. Overindulgence, particularly of children, is not a good way to bring up a child even though it starts from a good heart with parents trying to shield their children from the pains and difficulties they had to endure while growing up. They may be trying to make their children happy but the function of parents actually, is to make their children capable to stand on their own and face real life situations.
Giving them things or experiences that are not appropriate for their age or their interests e.g allowing your children to dress like adults or dress provocatively or watch rated movies etc, ii) giving things to meet the adult’s needs, not the child’s e.g buying children expensive things to ‘show’ people that the family is ‘upper class’ and iii) neglecting to teach children the life skills they need to survive in the “real” world beyond their home e.g doing chores for them after they are grown enough to do them on their own, giving excuses for them for bad things they do, doing their homework with them after a certain age etc are three signs of overindulgence of parents. These begins to make your child feel entitled and better than everyone else because of what they have.
In case your child is overindulged already, you can still enforce some measures to curb it now.
- Differentiate between needs and wants: teach your children to know the difference between what they need and what they want, then attempt to give children everything they need, but not everything they want (even if you can afford it).
- Help your kids cultivate patience: By teaching them that real problems are not solved quickly but always require a little patience.
- Give children opportunities to develop responsibility and to feel valuable: Help them learn life skills and hold them accountable for taking care of those things to show responsibility.
- Be able to say no: By this, you teach them how to achieve things without your help even when they ask and this helps prepare them for reality.
- Teach kids to tie effort to their desires. This is so that they realize that nothing come easy so they have to that they make an effort (extra chores, helping a neighbour) in order to get the things they want.
Parents should stop overindulging their children as in the long run, it will have much more devastating effects than benefits.
Article by Soomto Ajanma
