Taking back a cheater is one of the hardest decision anyone can make. You not only have to find a way to move on, you also have to trust that it will never happen again.
If you want to forgive a cheater, you have to first ensure he’s sorry for what he did, not just pretending because he got caught. It’s also crucial that he works to rebuild your trust. Here are some signs that put you on the right track.
1. He confesses
One of the signs a cheating partner could be really sorry is if he was the one who actually informed you of the affair first, as opposed to you finding out. This does not count if he only confesses because he’s being blackmailed or he fears he’s close to getting caught. An uncoerced confession is a sign that he values your relationship and cannot live with hurting you that way.
2. He volunteers information
To help you process if you want to forgive a cheater, you need to understand what drove him to it. And you also need to know how far the affair went. This is an information a truly repentant partner will give without being forced. If he only gives you treacles of the truths (i.e, he cheated with one woman instead of multiple, or he says he only kissed her even though they went all the way), this isn’t a good sign. He should be as forthcoming as you need him to be as this shows he is committed to repairing things
3. He isn’t defensive
You cannot forgive a cheater that’s defensive. If he tells you to ‘get over it’ or suddenly starts feeling irritated by your pain, he doesn’t deserve forgiveness. A cheater who blames you for the affair is also looking to deflect his guilt and this makes him unrepentant.
4. He gets that it takes time
You cannot just forgive a cheater overnight. Even when you think you’re past it, something can come up that will trigger your anger and pain. If this is the case, your man should always be available to give you what you need to work through it.
5. Works with you on rebuilding the trust
One thing to work on after an affair is a broken trust. And rebuilding it is a long-term process. He should work with you in this area. This means always being completely honest with you about anything and everything. A man working on rebuilding trust should never be caught in a lie, no matter how small.
