I like to talk. I mean, who doesn’t? And I like to say my mind. Again, who doesn’t? But I like to say my mind, the way it is, without any editing or proofreading. That’s why I don’t like to have too many friends. That way, for me, it’s easier to say what you want the way it is, when you have no invested feelings whatsoever.
It’s like flirting with a random stranger on the street, criticizing an eatery’s food or insulting the government. You don’t really know these people so it doesn’t really matter how they feel. Fantastic right? Heck, yeah. It’s downright great.
But this feeling immediately dissolves when it comes to friends and partners in romantic relationships. No o, you cannot just say your mind. You have to edit and proofread, dot your ‘i’s and cross your ‘t’s if you want to make heaven and not be seen as ‘inconsiderate’ and ‘not caring about their feelings’. For me, in a way, that can be frustrating. To say the good things, is not the challenge. Heck, I can say “I like your shoes” to someone I just met or “nice ass” to some random guy so of course, I can say the good things to a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend.
This is the challenge: saying the big bad things to the person you care about in a considerate way, without hurting the person’s feelings, and still communicating your message. I read a post online once where the lady was expressing her confusion on how to tell her boyfriend that he had mouth odour and I currently know of someone who doesn’t know how to tell her friend that she has body odour. These are just these types; there are also examples like how to tell your friend to stop being so fake, your girlfriend to stop cussing all the time, your boyfriend to stop dressing like he doesn’t have good clothes when he does, your girlfriend to change her underwears already, your friend to try to stop being so lazy and a million and one others I cannot quite compress into this article. The question is HOW?
It’s not going to be easy but when you bear in mind that it’s for the benefit of the person and you, since you’ve had to deal with it all along, you might feel better saying it. Also, your friend should also be appreciative of the fact that, out of all his or her friends, no one else had told him or her this, except you, which means that you care a whole lot more.
– Begin with how much you don’t want to hurt their feelings but how important it is that they know what you want to say, then ask that they don’t interrupt you.
– If they are the type that gets upset easily, ask for their promise to not interrupt or get angry till you’re done with what you want to say.
– Say the problem in the simplest way possible that they get it immediately and proffer solutions. You can also write a note detailing the problem and possible solutions.
– Buy some of the things they might need to solve the problem to show your willingness to help. You can also buy and while giving it to them, initiate this conversation.
– Be as polite as possible and even if they get angry, be sure to remain calm and assure them that it’s all for their good.
– Lastly, make it a personal mission to do your best to ensure that the problem is eradicated completely.
I hope that with these few points of mine, you can save your friendship or relationship and still get the problem solved.
Article by Soomto Ajanma