Jealousy is existent in every kind of relationship; from siblings to friends to colleagues to relationship partners etc and it is a parasite that eats deep in to the very core of the relationship, sowing seeds of discord and eventually bringing the relationship to an end. Fear of loss is mostly what causes jealousy and this fear allows feelings of insecurity to creep in. But all hope is not lost as even though you might be the jealous one in your relationship, you can still control it and save your relationship after all by doing the following:
- Take them at their word: this might not be easy, particularly with partners with previous suspicious history but relationships don’t function well without trust so even if you don’t believe them, don’t goad them with questions all the time, instead act as if you believe them and in time, you just might see otherwise
- Control your imagination: Instead of filling in the blanks with all sorts of negative imaginations of your partner cheating or being unfaithful, try to imagine positive scenarios, a different way of looking at things. Or you can engage in another distracting activity till you can ask your partner for an explanation
- Stop comparing yourself to people: You may think you don’t deserve this person because there are other people that he or she could have chosen. Quit comparing yourself to others because this person chose you for something only you possess so appreciate the relationship rather than compare yourself to other people
- Try explaining your jealousy to your partner: This may be straight up embarrassing but it’s a way of eroding any wrong conclusions and allowing your partner to see things from your perspective. Let him or her know why you’re jealous and try not to make it sound confrontational to prevent an argument and together, reach a compromise which will serve to allay your fears
- Give your partner some space: I know this can be difficult but it’s healthy to allow your partner live their lives, go out with friends, and do things without you hanging over them like a dark cloud as it kind of put a strain and an unnecessary pressure on things. Stop over-analyzing every step they take and try to trust them a little more.
I fully understand that taking these steps actively may be difficult initially but little by little, it will begin to ease out and then you’ll be alright and not unnecessarily jealous anymore.
Article by Soomto Ajanma